So as I sit here Sunday night contemplating the day I realized something, my son is insane.
Yes I said that about my son. But here is WHY I said that. He is sitting behind me, talking to himself non-stop, what's worse is he answers himself. Between his non-stop rambling, his noises that he doesn't realize he makes, and his kicking the wall while playing minecraft, which likewise I can hear, the noise is deafening.
Now I know why I sit at my desk with music blasting in my ears, so I don't have to hear him!
But see THAT opens up another door that needs to be opened. I NEED to hear him. I NEED to listen to him to be sure he is doing what he is supposed to be doing. I NEED to hear him so I can know if he is doing something he isn't supposed to do, or if he needs help. I NEED to listen, so I can hear him if he asks me a question. I NEED to listen and be open about doing so.
So my conundrum is simple, how do I listen, and pay attention to his needs, when he drives me insane with the constant level of noise that comes out of him on a daily basis? How do I teach him self-control without constantly harping at him about learning how to control himself? How do I allow him to be himself while he is driving me crazy?
Being a mom is hard work. Every day I question whether I am doing the right thing by him. Every day I question the wisdom of home educating him. Every day I question whether his idiosyncrasies are something I can deal with, without losing my mind. And every day I come to the conclusion that while he has some major things I can't stand, he is a sweet and loving little boy. One who tries to please us in his own way. One who needs his mother and father to just accept him for his little odd behaviors. So that is exactly what we do, day after day we remind ourselves how unique he is and how special he is. And every day I go a little more insane.
But hey, that is what being a mom is all about, doing the right thing for your child even if it drives you batty.