Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Sorry I've been missing

I first wanted to say how sorry I am that I've been missing.  I had planned on making this huge post about holidaying with my family and my son in particular.  But plans never seem to work out the way we plan.

So we made our trip to Melbourne.  My husband and I truly enjoyed it. I loved the city, the lights, the trams and most of all the museum, zoo and gaol. What I didn't love is my son's response to it all.  Mind you it was his first trip ever to a zoo, an aquarium, a gaol, a museum and an arcade.  But he walked around every single place with only one exception (the arcade) with a complete lack of interest, a disdain for the children around him's excitement and a been there done that attitude.  There was one other exception which I will discuss here, at the museum. They have an area set aside for the little kids, as in the infants to 7 year old so they can burn off some energy before going about the rest of the museum.  Well here, my 11 year old son, suddenly started crawling around the floor, jumping on the scales that show your weight in possums, and acting like he was a 2 or 3 year old.  No I lie, he acted worse than the two to three year olds. The older kids in the area, (the 10 and 11 year old siblings) all acted like their age, all of them were looking after younger siblings. They looked at my son as if he was retarded for acting the way he was.  Did Connor care? Nope, he was completely oblivious to their stares and the dirty looks the other parents were giving to us.  Meanwhile, I just shrugged.  But I was getting quite angry at his behavior. And how for someone who has never been to these places acted like he just couldn't care and was completely shut off from every learning opportunity that was available on this once in a lifetime trip.

But we went to the arcade and poof suddenly he didn't care about the noise, the excitement, the kids screaming and laughing. Suddenly he ran around like a normal child.  He interacted with the kids, he played video games, he laughed and had a grand time for himself.  Meanwhile, that rage I had with his responses for the entire trip was building.

We all went back to the hotel that night after the arcade, Connor fell asleep immediately, and Paul and I laid in bed discussing the trip.  We were leaving the next day and I wanted his take on the entire trip.

He laid there, looked at me, and said "I don't frigging get it. He has NEVER been to any of these places and he couldn't care less.  He didn't pay attention, wasn't curious about anything and was totally uninvolved and shut off from every thing we brought him to, until today at the arcade."

I smiled sadly at him and said, "I really hate to say this, but I wish we had never brought him along for the trip. I would have had a better time if we had left him with someone for the week. His constant complaining about the kids, his playing video games on his cell phone, his uninterest and his complete lack of curiosity, has made me so sad this entire trip."

He looked at me, smiled sadly, and said "yeah I wish that too. It would have been a much nicer anniversary trip if we had."

So why do I recount this to you? Well I'll tell you why, because maybe one of you can explain to me what it is that happened. Why it is that my son who has NEVER in his life been out of Mackay didn't care at all.  Why it is that my son who has NEVER been to a zoo, an aquarium, a museum, a Gaol, didn't care at all.  And most of all why it is that the ONLY thing he cared about and enjoyed was the ARCADE!  Why it is that he loved the Arcade, and the infant area of the museum?  He isn't a baby, he doesn't suffer from mental retardation where his IQ is 60 or lower, his IQ is actually normal/high.  So why is it that he had a once in a lifetime opportunity and he just let it slip on by with that whole "Been here! Done that!" attitude?

All I know is that I really don't want to take him on any more trips that cost us money.  I don't want to sit by and watch as my nearly 12 year old son acts like a 2 year old crawling around and rolling around on the floor.  I really don't want to see him NOT learn.  And that is what this all comes down to. His entire decision to not learn anything. I see it day in and day out at home. After 3 years we are still trying unsuccessfully to get him to wash his body properly, after 2 years we are still trying to get him to wash the dishes properly.  And basically we can't get him to learn a damn thing, because he made up his mind that he doesn't need to learn.

He still can't tie his own shoes properly. He still can't do basic multiplication or for that matter long addition. He still can't comprehend that the real world is going to be here before he knows it and mom and dad aren't always going to be here for him.  He should know that, after all he lost his bio mom.  But he is oblivious to that anyway.  How can a child who can be so loving, so giving be such a complete asshole when it comes to everything else?

Maybe one of you can tell me a secret to getting my child to be curious about ANYTHING!  There just isn't any in his body.  What's so sad is that even gaming which he loves, I've said how about I get you a program that teaches you how to make your own game apps or video games. He shrugged and said whatever. So I paid 500 dollars for a class on making your own video games a year ago. And he has yet to go to the site or take one lesson. Why? Because he just doesn't want to exert himself to learn anything...

Like he believes... Been there done that.... So he has no need to learn anything.  Sad to say, you can't go through life without learning.  No job means no income means no food or shelter.  And he sure won't be sponging off me as an adult. I'm his mom, not a welfare check.

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