So much has happened over the course of the last few months! My father passed away in October, and because Paul has lost his job I couldn't fly home for the funeral. We have been living week to week and just making ends meet. Paul's searching for work but so far not a darn job prospect to be had.
In my ultimate wisdom I decided to open an Etsy shop. God just getting that off the ground was pure hell. Then add in the fact that I have to actually make all the stuff for sale and yeah you can see why I haven't been blogging.
But I also decided that I would go ahead and get my book published. So I started searching for an illustrator. Not an easy thing to find let me tell you! But I finally found one that not only will do the job, with the style I wanted. Phew! The only problem is, that because I am hiring an illustrator that means I actually have to pay him. Yeah so that is where I'm at now. I started a gofundme in the hopes that I can get a few contributors to help out with the funding of my first book ever! I figure with the many friends I have and with my adding my own money in maybe I can get the money to pay the illustrator and have the book published before I am too old and ugly to want to have a children's book published.
So here is a link to the gofundme. And if you feel generous, I'd really appreciate any help you can offer. Anyone who donates 25 dollars gets a copy of my book when it is published!
Tuesday, 19 May 2015
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Sorry I've been missing
I first wanted to say how sorry I am that I've been missing. I had planned on making this huge post about holidaying with my family and my son in particular. But plans never seem to work out the way we plan.
So we made our trip to Melbourne. My husband and I truly enjoyed it. I loved the city, the lights, the trams and most of all the museum, zoo and gaol. What I didn't love is my son's response to it all. Mind you it was his first trip ever to a zoo, an aquarium, a gaol, a museum and an arcade. But he walked around every single place with only one exception (the arcade) with a complete lack of interest, a disdain for the children around him's excitement and a been there done that attitude. There was one other exception which I will discuss here, at the museum. They have an area set aside for the little kids, as in the infants to 7 year old so they can burn off some energy before going about the rest of the museum. Well here, my 11 year old son, suddenly started crawling around the floor, jumping on the scales that show your weight in possums, and acting like he was a 2 or 3 year old. No I lie, he acted worse than the two to three year olds. The older kids in the area, (the 10 and 11 year old siblings) all acted like their age, all of them were looking after younger siblings. They looked at my son as if he was retarded for acting the way he was. Did Connor care? Nope, he was completely oblivious to their stares and the dirty looks the other parents were giving to us. Meanwhile, I just shrugged. But I was getting quite angry at his behavior. And how for someone who has never been to these places acted like he just couldn't care and was completely shut off from every learning opportunity that was available on this once in a lifetime trip.
But we went to the arcade and poof suddenly he didn't care about the noise, the excitement, the kids screaming and laughing. Suddenly he ran around like a normal child. He interacted with the kids, he played video games, he laughed and had a grand time for himself. Meanwhile, that rage I had with his responses for the entire trip was building.
We all went back to the hotel that night after the arcade, Connor fell asleep immediately, and Paul and I laid in bed discussing the trip. We were leaving the next day and I wanted his take on the entire trip.
He laid there, looked at me, and said "I don't frigging get it. He has NEVER been to any of these places and he couldn't care less. He didn't pay attention, wasn't curious about anything and was totally uninvolved and shut off from every thing we brought him to, until today at the arcade."
I smiled sadly at him and said, "I really hate to say this, but I wish we had never brought him along for the trip. I would have had a better time if we had left him with someone for the week. His constant complaining about the kids, his playing video games on his cell phone, his uninterest and his complete lack of curiosity, has made me so sad this entire trip."
He looked at me, smiled sadly, and said "yeah I wish that too. It would have been a much nicer anniversary trip if we had."
So why do I recount this to you? Well I'll tell you why, because maybe one of you can explain to me what it is that happened. Why it is that my son who has NEVER in his life been out of Mackay didn't care at all. Why it is that my son who has NEVER been to a zoo, an aquarium, a museum, a Gaol, didn't care at all. And most of all why it is that the ONLY thing he cared about and enjoyed was the ARCADE! Why it is that he loved the Arcade, and the infant area of the museum? He isn't a baby, he doesn't suffer from mental retardation where his IQ is 60 or lower, his IQ is actually normal/high. So why is it that he had a once in a lifetime opportunity and he just let it slip on by with that whole "Been here! Done that!" attitude?
All I know is that I really don't want to take him on any more trips that cost us money. I don't want to sit by and watch as my nearly 12 year old son acts like a 2 year old crawling around and rolling around on the floor. I really don't want to see him NOT learn. And that is what this all comes down to. His entire decision to not learn anything. I see it day in and day out at home. After 3 years we are still trying unsuccessfully to get him to wash his body properly, after 2 years we are still trying to get him to wash the dishes properly. And basically we can't get him to learn a damn thing, because he made up his mind that he doesn't need to learn.
He still can't tie his own shoes properly. He still can't do basic multiplication or for that matter long addition. He still can't comprehend that the real world is going to be here before he knows it and mom and dad aren't always going to be here for him. He should know that, after all he lost his bio mom. But he is oblivious to that anyway. How can a child who can be so loving, so giving be such a complete asshole when it comes to everything else?
Maybe one of you can tell me a secret to getting my child to be curious about ANYTHING! There just isn't any in his body. What's so sad is that even gaming which he loves, I've said how about I get you a program that teaches you how to make your own game apps or video games. He shrugged and said whatever. So I paid 500 dollars for a class on making your own video games a year ago. And he has yet to go to the site or take one lesson. Why? Because he just doesn't want to exert himself to learn anything...
Like he believes... Been there done that.... So he has no need to learn anything. Sad to say, you can't go through life without learning. No job means no income means no food or shelter. And he sure won't be sponging off me as an adult. I'm his mom, not a welfare check.
So we made our trip to Melbourne. My husband and I truly enjoyed it. I loved the city, the lights, the trams and most of all the museum, zoo and gaol. What I didn't love is my son's response to it all. Mind you it was his first trip ever to a zoo, an aquarium, a gaol, a museum and an arcade. But he walked around every single place with only one exception (the arcade) with a complete lack of interest, a disdain for the children around him's excitement and a been there done that attitude. There was one other exception which I will discuss here, at the museum. They have an area set aside for the little kids, as in the infants to 7 year old so they can burn off some energy before going about the rest of the museum. Well here, my 11 year old son, suddenly started crawling around the floor, jumping on the scales that show your weight in possums, and acting like he was a 2 or 3 year old. No I lie, he acted worse than the two to three year olds. The older kids in the area, (the 10 and 11 year old siblings) all acted like their age, all of them were looking after younger siblings. They looked at my son as if he was retarded for acting the way he was. Did Connor care? Nope, he was completely oblivious to their stares and the dirty looks the other parents were giving to us. Meanwhile, I just shrugged. But I was getting quite angry at his behavior. And how for someone who has never been to these places acted like he just couldn't care and was completely shut off from every learning opportunity that was available on this once in a lifetime trip.
But we went to the arcade and poof suddenly he didn't care about the noise, the excitement, the kids screaming and laughing. Suddenly he ran around like a normal child. He interacted with the kids, he played video games, he laughed and had a grand time for himself. Meanwhile, that rage I had with his responses for the entire trip was building.
We all went back to the hotel that night after the arcade, Connor fell asleep immediately, and Paul and I laid in bed discussing the trip. We were leaving the next day and I wanted his take on the entire trip.
He laid there, looked at me, and said "I don't frigging get it. He has NEVER been to any of these places and he couldn't care less. He didn't pay attention, wasn't curious about anything and was totally uninvolved and shut off from every thing we brought him to, until today at the arcade."
I smiled sadly at him and said, "I really hate to say this, but I wish we had never brought him along for the trip. I would have had a better time if we had left him with someone for the week. His constant complaining about the kids, his playing video games on his cell phone, his uninterest and his complete lack of curiosity, has made me so sad this entire trip."
He looked at me, smiled sadly, and said "yeah I wish that too. It would have been a much nicer anniversary trip if we had."
So why do I recount this to you? Well I'll tell you why, because maybe one of you can explain to me what it is that happened. Why it is that my son who has NEVER in his life been out of Mackay didn't care at all. Why it is that my son who has NEVER been to a zoo, an aquarium, a museum, a Gaol, didn't care at all. And most of all why it is that the ONLY thing he cared about and enjoyed was the ARCADE! Why it is that he loved the Arcade, and the infant area of the museum? He isn't a baby, he doesn't suffer from mental retardation where his IQ is 60 or lower, his IQ is actually normal/high. So why is it that he had a once in a lifetime opportunity and he just let it slip on by with that whole "Been here! Done that!" attitude?
All I know is that I really don't want to take him on any more trips that cost us money. I don't want to sit by and watch as my nearly 12 year old son acts like a 2 year old crawling around and rolling around on the floor. I really don't want to see him NOT learn. And that is what this all comes down to. His entire decision to not learn anything. I see it day in and day out at home. After 3 years we are still trying unsuccessfully to get him to wash his body properly, after 2 years we are still trying to get him to wash the dishes properly. And basically we can't get him to learn a damn thing, because he made up his mind that he doesn't need to learn.
He still can't tie his own shoes properly. He still can't do basic multiplication or for that matter long addition. He still can't comprehend that the real world is going to be here before he knows it and mom and dad aren't always going to be here for him. He should know that, after all he lost his bio mom. But he is oblivious to that anyway. How can a child who can be so loving, so giving be such a complete asshole when it comes to everything else?
Maybe one of you can tell me a secret to getting my child to be curious about ANYTHING! There just isn't any in his body. What's so sad is that even gaming which he loves, I've said how about I get you a program that teaches you how to make your own game apps or video games. He shrugged and said whatever. So I paid 500 dollars for a class on making your own video games a year ago. And he has yet to go to the site or take one lesson. Why? Because he just doesn't want to exert himself to learn anything...
Like he believes... Been there done that.... So he has no need to learn anything. Sad to say, you can't go through life without learning. No job means no income means no food or shelter. And he sure won't be sponging off me as an adult. I'm his mom, not a welfare check.
Thursday, 11 September 2014
Slightly twisted and unique!
Things have been CRAZY here for the last week. My husband decided that we are going to head down to Melbourne for a bit of a holiday. Now I have NEVER seen Melbourne, and neither has our son. So as a home schooling momma I jumped at the chance! And I do literally mean I jumped! I immediately got up, ran to the old man and hugged him jumping up and down screaming "OH MY GOD CULTURE!!!!"
Now don't get me wrong, I love our little crack in the wall town. It is small, it is friendly, and it is where we live. But there is absolutely NOTHING to do here. Oh sure there is an attempt at a water park, they have a bucket and everything! There are lots of open areas for the kids to play in during day time hours, even a few playgrounds tossed in for them, you know the kind, a park with one swing. Yeah like I said its a little crack in the wall town. The nearest town of any size is hours away. Sure the city here has a stop light and everything, but it just isn't the same when there is no culture.
Oh but you have the MECC you may be saying. Suuuurrreee we do. If you want to pay a fortune to see some guy sing songs that he didn't even write or can sing. Or maybe the ballet is in town, it really does come to visit once in a while, but it isn't a ballet of any renown. But hey I guess it is still culture to a degree.
But Melbourne! Now seriously, THAT is culture! Museums, Zoos, Aquariums, Old Melboure Gaol, Ships, Penguins, oh the list goes on and on! Did I mention Museums??? Because that is the one thing that I miss living in Australia. Oh and Zoos and Aquariums too! I miss those as well. Once upon a time, I would take my children at least 4 times a year to each one! But now living here in Australia, nope can't go, they just aren't around.
So of course Miss crazy home schooling momma jumped at the chance for culture and education! And what does little man say about this whole trip you may be asking. Well here is the beginning of the fun...
Little man says, "How long is the drive?"
I say, "About 25 hours."
He says, "oh so we can make it in a day?"
I look at him and say, "How many hours in a day?"
Shrugging he replies, "like 24"
I laugh and say, "Okay so you answered your own question can we make a 25 hour drive in a day?"
Yes I know, but I am always teaching right?
He says, "nah guess not. So are we doing it in two days?"
I laugh and say, "Well actually we are planning on driving for 3 days."
"WHAT?" he cries "how can you make 25 hours be 3 days?"
Laughing I reply, "Easy, the driver needs sleep and we thought hotels would be cool for you to stay in."
Shrugging he says "yeah okay."
Now mind you the little man has NEVER been outside of this city. Never been to a zoo, never been to an aquarium, never been to a museum, and never drove in a car for days. Nor has he ever ridden on a train, a tram, a bus, or anything other than a car.
I tell him for his school work I want him to research Melbourne and find out stuff he would like to do and we will have dad do that as well, and I will do it and whatever is on ALL the lists we will definitely do, and anything on just one we will think about. I thought that was pretty fair right?
So an hour later he comes in with his list. It goes something like this...
I want to go to Black Light Miniture Golf, I'm not sure I like golf because I think hitting a ball around would be pretty boring but I think it might be cool.
I want to go to Lazer Tag Skirmish, this sounds pretty cool and mum even used to play before she came to here.
I want to go to Bowling, I really like bowling I think I won last time.
I'd love to go to the Melbourne Zoo; I'd really love to go there because there would be so many animals and I can play with the meerkats if mum lets me.
(oh finally something educational, all is not lost!!!)
IMAX; I'd REALLY want to see movies here!
Okay so his list looks nothing at all like MY list... My list goes a little like this:
Sunday
Check in Hotel
Hosier Lane to see Graffiti art.
St. Patricks Cathedral
St. Paul's Cathedral
Melbourne Star
Monday
Melbourne Zoo
Queen Victoria Market
River Tour
Tuesday
Melbourne Museum
Cooks Cottage
Wednesday
Melbourne Aquarium
Old Melbourne Gaol
Polly Woodside Tall ship
Thursday
Eureka Tower
Black Light Mini Golf
Okay so my list does have a couple things his didn't have... um okay a LOT of things his didn't have.
I showed him my list.
His reply was epic! "Oh heck mom, I already knew we would be going to the Jail, the ships, the museums, the aquarium so I didn't write them down. I know how you think."
Hmmmm is anyone else afraid that their kid knows how they think? Well if you weren't you probably should be! I know it terrifies me!
But seriously, it looks like everything on his list costs a bloody fortune! As in 40 to 100 dollars per person. Needless to say, we can't afford that. The things on my list, I either have coupons for or have a deal for, so hence why they are on the list. But it made me feel good to know that my son actually has no problem going to the places I miss, and want to go see.
Meanwhile the Old man, is excited about being in Victoria, about going away, and about seeing the museum, because he "Likes the smell of museums." *shrugs* Never smelled anything unique in museums, but hey maybe my sense of smell is off.
So I probably will be blasting the page when I get back with a ton of photos from our holiday trips.
But here is the funny part. We are taking bub with us. He always goes camping with us. He is after all part of the family. But he is also a doll. He has his own little seat in the car, his own little suitcase, and his own little personality. But Paul wants to take him to see the sights and take photos of him at the various locations. At first I thought well, that seems a bit odd. But the more I thought about it, I thought how fun it could be posing him on the various places real kids can't sit on. So looks like the bub is going to be taking a trip to Melbourne as our Family Home School Mascot, and having his photo done, or photo bombing his brother.
*evil grin* yeah I know that is so mean, especially since lil man is finally showing an interest in something other than video games. But even he thinks it will be fun to take his buddy along with us. Thank god I still have my old baby carrier. Maybe everyone will think he is just a sleeping baby. hehehe
Nope not insane, just think that having a family mascot is a really unique and slightly twisted idea that suits our family to a T!
Now don't get me wrong, I love our little crack in the wall town. It is small, it is friendly, and it is where we live. But there is absolutely NOTHING to do here. Oh sure there is an attempt at a water park, they have a bucket and everything! There are lots of open areas for the kids to play in during day time hours, even a few playgrounds tossed in for them, you know the kind, a park with one swing. Yeah like I said its a little crack in the wall town. The nearest town of any size is hours away. Sure the city here has a stop light and everything, but it just isn't the same when there is no culture.
Oh but you have the MECC you may be saying. Suuuurrreee we do. If you want to pay a fortune to see some guy sing songs that he didn't even write or can sing. Or maybe the ballet is in town, it really does come to visit once in a while, but it isn't a ballet of any renown. But hey I guess it is still culture to a degree.
But Melbourne! Now seriously, THAT is culture! Museums, Zoos, Aquariums, Old Melboure Gaol, Ships, Penguins, oh the list goes on and on! Did I mention Museums??? Because that is the one thing that I miss living in Australia. Oh and Zoos and Aquariums too! I miss those as well. Once upon a time, I would take my children at least 4 times a year to each one! But now living here in Australia, nope can't go, they just aren't around.
So of course Miss crazy home schooling momma jumped at the chance for culture and education! And what does little man say about this whole trip you may be asking. Well here is the beginning of the fun...
Little man says, "How long is the drive?"
I say, "About 25 hours."
He says, "oh so we can make it in a day?"
I look at him and say, "How many hours in a day?"
Shrugging he replies, "like 24"
I laugh and say, "Okay so you answered your own question can we make a 25 hour drive in a day?"
Yes I know, but I am always teaching right?
He says, "nah guess not. So are we doing it in two days?"
I laugh and say, "Well actually we are planning on driving for 3 days."
"WHAT?" he cries "how can you make 25 hours be 3 days?"
Laughing I reply, "Easy, the driver needs sleep and we thought hotels would be cool for you to stay in."
Shrugging he says "yeah okay."
Now mind you the little man has NEVER been outside of this city. Never been to a zoo, never been to an aquarium, never been to a museum, and never drove in a car for days. Nor has he ever ridden on a train, a tram, a bus, or anything other than a car.
I tell him for his school work I want him to research Melbourne and find out stuff he would like to do and we will have dad do that as well, and I will do it and whatever is on ALL the lists we will definitely do, and anything on just one we will think about. I thought that was pretty fair right?
So an hour later he comes in with his list. It goes something like this...
I want to go to Black Light Miniture Golf, I'm not sure I like golf because I think hitting a ball around would be pretty boring but I think it might be cool.
I want to go to Lazer Tag Skirmish, this sounds pretty cool and mum even used to play before she came to here.
I want to go to Bowling, I really like bowling I think I won last time.
I'd love to go to the Melbourne Zoo; I'd really love to go there because there would be so many animals and I can play with the meerkats if mum lets me.
(oh finally something educational, all is not lost!!!)
IMAX; I'd REALLY want to see movies here!
Okay so his list looks nothing at all like MY list... My list goes a little like this:
Sunday
Check in Hotel
Hosier Lane to see Graffiti art.
St. Patricks Cathedral
St. Paul's Cathedral
Melbourne Star
Monday
Melbourne Zoo
Queen Victoria Market
River Tour
Tuesday
Melbourne Museum
Cooks Cottage
Wednesday
Melbourne Aquarium
Old Melbourne Gaol
Polly Woodside Tall ship
Thursday
Eureka Tower
Black Light Mini Golf
Okay so my list does have a couple things his didn't have... um okay a LOT of things his didn't have.
I showed him my list.
His reply was epic! "Oh heck mom, I already knew we would be going to the Jail, the ships, the museums, the aquarium so I didn't write them down. I know how you think."
Hmmmm is anyone else afraid that their kid knows how they think? Well if you weren't you probably should be! I know it terrifies me!
But seriously, it looks like everything on his list costs a bloody fortune! As in 40 to 100 dollars per person. Needless to say, we can't afford that. The things on my list, I either have coupons for or have a deal for, so hence why they are on the list. But it made me feel good to know that my son actually has no problem going to the places I miss, and want to go see.
Meanwhile the Old man, is excited about being in Victoria, about going away, and about seeing the museum, because he "Likes the smell of museums." *shrugs* Never smelled anything unique in museums, but hey maybe my sense of smell is off.
So I probably will be blasting the page when I get back with a ton of photos from our holiday trips.
But here is the funny part. We are taking bub with us. He always goes camping with us. He is after all part of the family. But he is also a doll. He has his own little seat in the car, his own little suitcase, and his own little personality. But Paul wants to take him to see the sights and take photos of him at the various locations. At first I thought well, that seems a bit odd. But the more I thought about it, I thought how fun it could be posing him on the various places real kids can't sit on. So looks like the bub is going to be taking a trip to Melbourne as our Family Home School Mascot, and having his photo done, or photo bombing his brother.
*evil grin* yeah I know that is so mean, especially since lil man is finally showing an interest in something other than video games. But even he thinks it will be fun to take his buddy along with us. Thank god I still have my old baby carrier. Maybe everyone will think he is just a sleeping baby. hehehe
Nope not insane, just think that having a family mascot is a really unique and slightly twisted idea that suits our family to a T!
Wednesday, 3 September 2014
The Body of a Goddess!!!
Now most of you don't know this about me, but when I was a child I LOVED to sing and act. Now the funny thing is that I had some major parts in some really great theater shows. I played Danny in Grease, The Scarecrow in the Wiz, and the Father in the Sound of Music. Hmmm notice a funny trend there don't you? I played male rolls. Now I must admit that my voice is okay, nothing super special, at least it never made me any money. But it is good enough to get some nice applause the times we go out to sing Karaoke. But trust me I have never been confused about my sexual orientation. I may have been all boy growing up, but I was also always a GIRL.
Sure people would call me names like dyke or fag, and since I was flat chested until I was basically an adult, I never had the boys crazy in love with me. What I did have were boys as friends, boys as sports mates, and boys whom I loved in secret. I was teased incessantly for being flat chested. I was teased about my style of clothing, I chose comfort over style. I was teased about loving sports and being on all the different sports teams.
So that all being what it was, you would think that I would be very insecure about who I am now. Well I am not. I am a plus sized woman, who has beautiful and youthful skin, but is marked by the birthing of three gorgeous girls. I still wear a bikini and proudly show my body. Because I KNOW there are worse things than being a size 18. I KNOW that life is cruel, life is hard, and that being perfect is a fallacy. My body has granted me the ability to bring three wonderful lives into this world, but it has also seen some horrible things happen. My body is strong enough to climb a mountain, but weak enough to curl up in a little ball when the world is closing in around me. My body was strong enough to sustain me through the loss of my precious angels, and strong enough to be there for my children and husband during their suffering or growing.
Why am I posting this, you may be sitting there asking. And the answer is simple. I was listening to a few songs on youtube today and it really struck me how many woman are joining the crusade to help other women feel good about themselves. How many musical talents are now singing about how you are perfect just the way you are. So I decided to make a blog post, and give some credit to a few of these wonderful and inspirational women. Now these are listed in no particular order, but I will say that Pink is the first one I recall writing about how you are perfect just as you are, so I think her song should be first don't you?
Did that make you feel good? Not yet huh? Well how about if we go to the next song on my list?
This one is by Meghan Trainor and she is just a riot with her All About That Bass. We all know what she means by Bass don't we??? Just take off the B if you are a little on the slow side.
Now there are a lot of songs about self love. But this next one by Mary Lambert is much more than a song, it is an actual movement. One which all of us should try to participate in, especially if we are mothers of young girls. Girls today need to realize they can be ANYTHING they want to be. They aren't bound by the rules of the misogynistic religious leaders who think that they need to be barefoot and pregnant. They need to realize that beauty is much more than what is on the outside. They need to realize that not one of those magazine ads they see and love in their teen magazines is a REAL PHOTO! They need to realize that they have all been edited to look nothing at all like the model who is posing for a picture.
Now this is something that is very important to me as the mother of 3 young girls. So please go forth, and spread the word of Body Love! Join the Body Love movement!
And just so you can see that I do not have the perfect body I have decided to post a picture of ME! As you can see I have the body of a Goddess! Okay so it isn't the Goddess I wanted to look like, but it still is a Goddess! Sure its the Venus of Willendorf but hey one Goddess to another we all are fabulous darlings!
As Mary Lambert said...
"You are worth more than a waistline...
You are no less valuable as a size 16 than a size 4,
you are no less valuable as a 32b than a 36c..."
#LoveMyBody, #BodyLove
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